Grateful is a four letter word

Not really, but it sounded good. Today has been a very interesting day for me, and I won’t qualify it by saying you’d like it because “xyz” happened. It was just a big learning experience for me, and I’m grateful I could take it as such. You would think for someone who is primarily home all the time that my days are always boring… Sometimes they are. You don’t have days that bore you? Shame on you. (Ok, you know you laughed.)

Today I learned, some of these again:

  1. Worrying about things doesn’t make them go away. It causes me to sleep less, and whatever is going to hit the fan in the morning, still will.
  2. I am trying very hard not to complain about anything, because it has been brought to my attention that I am whiny, needy, have a general F you attitude, and am sort of annoying because I suppose I just am. I have now cancelled those peoples’ memberships to Club T, and anyone needing to bring up issues with me should contact management (AKA ME) so as not to be perceived as whiny, needy, inconsiderate, annoying persons themselves. Clear? 
  3. I don’t have a clear grasp on what peoples’ accurate perceptions of their lives are. I only know what it looks like to me, from the outside. When I asked people to post one comment about what was good, today, in their lives, I got a varied bunch of answers. THAT, I was expecting. What I wasn’t expecting was the feeling I got in response. I identified with some answers, have no reference point for others, and was actually baffled by others despite actually understanding and empathizing with the rest. 
  4. Along those lines, I have decided, after speaking with my other half, and his dad (both of whom I love very much), that some people are members of the Pessimist Society. I’m as cynical as many, but today I think I actually learned that no matter how bad things are, there is nearly always something to be grateful/happy for, or something good I can see or think of. “It could always be worse,” will only be my stock answer to myself when I don’t have any energy reserves left, AT ALL, emotional or physical. If I can not, as a person, figure out ONE thing in my sight range, again emotional or physical, that is good, than why am I taking up space? That means, I’m either not contributing to anyone or any thing’s happiness, not productive at all in any way, or wallowing in a giant pity party.
  5. It is completely ok to have off days. I was terrified about today. After over 5 weeks of this office putting me off, I needed to go in for a fitting for my leg brace. If you want more information, just ask me, or search “Drop foot.” I was worried that it would hurt, that I would be embarrassed (although, hello, I somehow managed to get past having a walker? Jaysus.), that I would lose my patience (I did. Shocker, I know.), that I would physically hurt (I do, but not anymore than I already did, every day,) and now I am limping worse than I did before. Difference? I am having to learn to re-balance myself, after learning to do that and compensate with the “good” side of my body. I am going to be really sore for about a month, but then, I’m used to that, and this is a move towards getting better.
  6. I really love having David’s dad around. We talk quite a bit, and he makes me laugh, and we have fun. This Friday I offered to help him with his tablet again, and he offered to take me to lunch. Two hours with Ray? I am grateful again that it is a blessing and not an obligation.
  7. That I should stop giving David crap about his picky eating when I’m just as picky in my own way. I still do believe in trying things, and keeping things in perspective (this is known as Tarah’s rule of “THAT is completely disgusting vs. Meh, I’ll eat it vs. YUM!”)

Thanks, friends, for the laughs today. I realized again how important you are, and how grateful I am to you, and for you.

T

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