Monthly Archives: March 2014

Ever wonder what you would do if you won the lottery?

You probably do, and I’m sure you’re xyz % of the population. You DO have to play to win, and as I currently live in a state that is full of gaming, buying lottery tix means driving out to the NV/CA state line, and crossing it, dum dums, if you weren’t sure. It’s nearly an hour away by the time you park and pray you haven’t been clocked by a police aircraft or helicopter. Hell, maybe you got pulled over already by a Statie in whatever the fastest vehicle of the moment is. (Hey, law enforcement? We’re really sick of Chargers. Think you could hustle up something like the 2014 V8 Mustang or Camaro? No,no, I get it. You need the Charger so you can just open the back door, tell the idiot to watch his head, and then accidentally mash it into the frame of the car.

Moving right along… at this point, assuming you have not committed a crime, and you win. Don’t be an idiot. TAKE THE FULL PAYOUT, and put it in an account offshore, and do your research, immediately. Yes you lose money to the US gov’t, and you would anyway. A lot of money is worth a shit ton more that may potentially never appear if the lottery system goes wacky. Take the money, fool. Move it off shore, and keep moving it. Shake those bank accounts like they’re in the running for a Samba, a Tango, or a Salsa. 

At this point, I hope you’ve done your research on where you want to go. You can’t stay in America, because people will crawl out of the woodwork. The friends who have helped you, you help if you can. The rest, you ignore, until you’re settled. I suggest finding a lovely country with friendly-ish relations with the U.S., buy some property, and move you, your s.o. and pets, along with anything else that can’t be replaced, and get the heck out of dodge before the vultures descend. No extradition – it’s always a plus. You should have already hired a good atty – if you haven’t, you’re an idiot, and will probably lose all you won.

After all the details have been handled asap, and you have your passport, leave town immediately. Hire a private plane, and get the hell out of dodge before the hordes descend. When you’re settled, THAT’S when you have your friends and family of your choosing flown to your new home for a big old par-tay. 

Here’s to dreaming…