Monthly Archives: April 2014

Let HIM be the psycho kitty…

I’m tired so this blog won’t make much sense. I had it pointed out to me, oh so politely, how some people see things I mis-type or make grammar mistakes with. Basically everything you don’t want to hear from your third grade teacher.

It’s rather difficult to always hold it together. So many of you are so much better than me at it. I lose my temper a lot… which is frightening because I lost my temper a lot before my stroke, and I’m beyond controlling it sometimes. I have to clamp my lips together and not say another word until I can get to a place where I don’t have to speak to anyone.

I’ve come to realize that certain friendships are/were meant for occasional meets, and I shouldn’t be hurt that they never turned into more. It seems always to be a case of “Well, you can’t drive over here, and that’s an awfully long way, and no offense, but I don’t have the time, or I don’t have the money, etc.” 

Don’t think I don’t notice when you are so busy you don’t have time for me. I remember. Often I remember as I am doing something for you. 

As I mentioned previously, I’m done acting like I am sick. I am. I just don’t have a “well THIS sucks” attitude anymore. 

It’s not all about me, and it’s not all about you. One of the things I have promised myself, with this coming physically stressful week. is that I will no longer apologize for shit that doesn’t involve you. Gone are the “I’m sorry, I must have missed that part of our conversation,” or worrying horrifically about people who won’t tell me what is wrong. 

I will always care about my friends. They color my life and make me happy, and they don’t show up like a ton of flutterbys, because THAT would freak me the f out. 

I AM in pain. Not going to lie. It’s ouchy to be me. The thing is, I have set it in my mind that I CAN succeed.

App into ASU, and transcripts on the way as of tomorrow. The Spanish language better be ready for me!

I’m going into weight training, and have been practicing my Jackson 5 dance for the flashmob thing I am dragging D into on the 26th. I suck terribly, but hey, one more thing on my bucket list, right? Becky Handy would be so proud of me.

I don’t delete people. I know people are busy with their own lives, and sometimes getting free time (my life) is impossible. I made dinner tonight, did the dishes, helped my other half turn our king size mattress (holy baby jeebus, I need bigger guns), and didn’t say much about his interest in correcting my spelling, or the comment that he often “ignores” the mistakes I make. Once again, I present to you that I actually am brain damaged. I’m not whining about it, and I only pull the fact out when someone is being “difficult.”

I know I’m a gigantic PITA. Never, ever been a doubt about that. I don’t conform to some rules and others I am a stickler about (hello, manners!)

Anyway, if you want to catch me, you already know how to. Please, do not show up with a shitty attitude, or some chip on your shoulder that will make me want to punch you, or any other trash talking nonsense. I am (go ahead, laugh) actually trying to calm down and relax myself.

Classes start 5/19, and I am getting myself in there. Hopefully these pesky doc appointments and PT don’t get in the way.

‘Nuff said. Behave yourselves. 😉

T, out.

Advertisements

What a Fool Believes

Look, I don’t think any of us are having the time of our lives. Did YOU just win a bunch of money? I didn’t either. *sigh*

This is potentially based on false ideas of what I think our reality should be. I’m seeing it more and more in my life and hell if I can’t point the finger in my own damn direction (it’s hard to get a selfie like that,) I’m just gonna have to school you. If you can’t hang on a network that is supposed to based on relationships and friendships (and everyone else should be blocked/banned/ whatever – there’s a setting for it.) you might have issues. 
Good, welcome to the club. If you don’t like whiners, there are settings for that. If you are capable of getting out of the house without spending money you do not have, go for it. (Your true friends want you to be happy.) Drop FB or LinkedIN or whatever you’re into… 
drama is drama. Business suit or bathrobe – if you’re sick of a person’s mentality, and still love the person, then tell them and say you’ll be there when they figure out things for themselves… or NOT.
If you’re just sick of THEM. That person. Their personality no longer meshes, and you feel like you have anything to offer each other – remember, it’s a two way street, so putting someone on the back burner is ok, if you still remember why you love him/her, and it’s ok to let go completely. Relationships come back around, if you want them to or until you break them. 
So my only caution for myself, because heaven forbid I point fingers, is:
1) Remember there is such a thing as a rough “go.”
2) I don’t have to like your other friends or even your spouse/ latest thing/ bf/ whatever. Hell, I don’t even have to like your dog.
3) Cry all I want. I have a shoulder right here. I will back you up until I don’t have anymore breath. Don’t expect that if you treat me like dirt. Similarly, if you don’t think you can handle drama, pick up the phone and talk. You know, I talk, you talk, we laugh, remember the essence of each other, and move on, knowing we have awesome friends.
4) All these people threatening to quit whichever site, or block people, or whatever. I just do it. I don’t make an issue of who made the cut or when I did it, or why. Look, I don’t know how much time you think YOU have on this spinning ball, but I have a solid idea for me. So for me, I’m done. WAY done f’n around with this nonsense where I see people shitting on each other because THEIR life isn’t perfect. 

I know that sometimes life is beautiful. Sometimes I remember that right beyond this shit period is a moment of clarity so perfect I can see sunbeams off it. I know that I have AMAZING friends, and the love of my life by my side. I might be seen as a complainer, but I’m not really. I haven’t crumbled yet (well, rather than a few embarrassing hospital moments), and I won’t. Being happy doesn’t mean perfect. For me it means being able to smile everytime I see your picture, or I get your phone call, or you text me with something that reminded you of me, and all of that VICE VERSA.

Stop worrying, just for 1 minute. Count everything you have to be thankful for 60 seconds, and remember that every second counts.

You just wasted a minute or so reading this.