Baby, can you stand the rain?”
No, this is not going to be a depressing post where I pour my thoughts out to have people call me “Debbie Downer.”
This is a POSITIVE post, and I am reaffirming how far I’ve come, and the accomplishments I’ve made for myself. You just know there’s a “BUT…” coming, right? I have to get rid of some of this anger. Since I know these blog posts don’t post to any social media sites in a timely fashion, I am pretty sure nobody is really going to see this. Fine, but I need to get some things off my chest.
1) I don’t need to be invited to everything. I don’t how I alienated my Vegas friends so much that I never get invited to anything. Maybe people assume I can’t handle it, or I don’t want to go out because I can’t drive anymore. Maybe some people think I’m too depressing to be around – now that is just funny to me, because I’m the same when I’m out.
2) Yes, I DO have days where I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have days when I don’t leave the house. It doesn’t mean I’m agoraphobic. I just get tired very easily. If it’s not an emergency and your name isn’t my boyfriend’s name, then you are definitely shit out of luck.
3) I thought I had spelled it out. Look, I don’t want to keep harping on my health, but my sense of who is important is changing the more certain people just either write me off as a whiner, or just think that I apparently do not have feelings since I got sick.
4) I am so sorry (NOT) that once I took off my “shiny, party girl” outfit, you no longer needed me as a friend. I think that says more about you than me.(Seriously, I’m thanking you.)
5) I am done being angry with people who should appreciate what good friends are worth. It’s ok if I realize sometimes people aren’t meant to be close to me. I live with my best friend, so in the end, those other people can only hurt me if I let them. Guess I had to learn THAT one again.
6) Got a big wake up call in the last two weeks. Thought I was normal-ish again. Uhhhh, NO. Physical therapy kicked my butt, but I’m making huge progress. I can leg press 200 lbs for 60 reps, and control the weights. My balance is getting better. I haven’t had to use the walker for a long time. I am exhausted still – and trying to recover from favorite people in town.
7) (cont. of # 6) My neurosurgeon, my therapist, hell someone’s grandma told me what I was going to face to come out of this better. I don’t want my old self back. I want the person who is fighting. If you do not understand, and say “But you look fine. What else do you have to do?” I know your intentions are good. I AM NOT FINE. I have about a 4 hour window to be FINE. I do what I can – dishes, pets, chores. Just please understand I tire really easily. I can be ok one time, and down for the count the next.
8) Do NOT bitch at me because I need food. I am on a low fat, low sugar, low sodium diet. That doesn’t mean if I haven’t eaten (because I neglected to/ got busy), you should give me shit because I HOOVERED 75% of a pretzel at a baseball game. When I need to eat, I can wait. Sure. The clock gives me 2 hours on the “YOU need to eat.” meter. If you tell me I’m not allowed to have that or eat that after a certain time -After that? All bets are off.
9) Read about acquired brain injuries. Also called traumatic brain injuries. You’ll understand much more if you do.
10) I have the best partner for me on the planet. We know what each other’s faults are, and still stay. Love each other’s personalities and quirks… and he is my best friend. Apparently the scale is still tipped in my favor. *grin*
11) I don’t say it enough… I’m grateful. It’s a burden to have a sick girlfriend. My other half drives me to every appointment, and man, we have been through the ringer in the last 11 months. (That’s an understatement, but I am the master of understatement!)
12) I always have music, my pets have me, and I trust my other half with my life, and DO, every single day. I’ll be ok. 🙂