Monthly Archives: April 2016

Nobody sees this anyway.

This is why I can say whatever I want to here, and know that not a damn person will see it. I hesitate to say personal things, because the backlash can be horrible. Has anyone else ever felt like they were invisible?

I don’t do anything special. I do dishes, and bake, and cook, and clean, attend family dinners I don’t want to go to, take care of my pets, and people who depend on me and never really see me.

I’m just that chick who does the laundry and packs snacks and makes coffee, and stands in the middle of the river that flows around me. I don’t think anyone ever SEES me. If I make a peep, then I must be overreacting. “Name one incident where you felt horrible during that dinner” or “Tell me why you are overreacting.” Huh. I just shut down.

I am so used to taking on everyone else’s burdens, despite my own health (serious) problems that maybe I have created this monster. I would love to go away for a couple of weeks and see if anyone even noticed I was gone. I bet they would, but not because they missed ME. It would be because I handle everything, and there would not be anyone to deal with chores and everything I do every day. I want someone to miss me for ME.

I took out my own embedded metal in my nose so that my nose piercing is still viable. “Good job.” Tattoos? Let’s not go there. I live my schedule on everyone else’s now, and the Tarah I know is seeping away. I’m not whining. A huge portion of this I signed up for… it would just be nice to be appreciated for me, instead of what I do for you.

Love me because I’m a giving soul. Because I can sing with joy. Because I bake to make people happy. Because I stick up for the underdog. Because I struggle with the things that are wrong with me. Because I am kind to most, and a vicious guard dog for those who matter to me. Because I have a good, goofy sense of humor. Because I am talented in my own ways. Because I’m ME.

Never forget what brought you into a person’s orbit to begin with.