Monthly Archives: May 2017

I’m a dangerous chick with some money in my pocket.

Watch me break it down like – UHHH!

Ok, I’m totally kidding. LOL Sort of.

I’m a happy kid today, and here’s why:

  • I have such a great hubby.
  • I am helping out some friends today to buy a house, and I feel like it’s great karma.
  • I have my morning chores done, and my house under control.
  • My dad is coming over for lunch, because guess who is ON the ball? C’est moi, and lunch is already made. You can come over too if you like chicken curry and rice.
  • My little boyfriend saw me on his way to school, and I swear, the kid just fills me with love. “TAWAH! I love you!” I’m not sure how anyone gets cuter than THAT.
  • I destroyed the muffins I baked this morning. Sad about it, but it was an experiment anyway, so I basically threw my hands in the air and waved ’em all around like I just didn’t care. Truth? I don’t.

With that, I’m off to the races. White, middle aged and wearing a Deadpool shirt. I should be recognizable if found wandering.

Before I do a nose dive

Don’t do it!

I have so many good things today to report.

No, I didn’t save the world. I know you didn’t expect me to, and neither did I. So welcome to world of mundane and silly.

  • I got my hairs did by Lindsey, and it’s fabulous. This is a woman who understands the difference between Princess and Porn Star.
  • Talked to David’s dad twice. He will never know the gift he gave me when he saw me step out of the dressing room in my bridesmaid gown, I will never, ever forget the intake of breath and the look on his face. I felt like a queen. He looked proud of me.
  • We have a new name for crazy train across the street. I can’t even say it without laughing. Twatwaffle. Thank you, Kim Ulmanis, because that is just hilarious.
  • So many PT exercises in the last 2 days. I’m standing and walking strong, even though I get tired – I keep going!
  • I’m wearing the shirt my amazing friend Laura picked out for me, and rocking it – it’s perfect for me. Kudos to her for her keen sense of fit and fashion.

 

Life is not always about the HUGE announcements, and sometimes it’s about the little things.

I am so over not being 5 years old.

Being an adult is nothing like we think being a grown up is.

Here’s how it breaks down, if you don’t have kids:

  • I will feel miserable after PT, but I don’t have a choice. She knows where I live.
  • Trash duty is usually mine, and I usually swear. It sucks.
  • I spent money today! Whoot! On making me look better? Oh no. When we get to be my age, we buy another crockpot and a convection/ toaster oven with a pizza drawer.
  • In the amazing shopping tour, I also bought hand soap in a ridiculously huge container, and convinced my other half to please get me a sandwich for dinner.
  • Don’t ask me why the original crockpot met an untimely death. It wasn’t me. Seriously.
  • All I want is a cookie. Just one. Not allowed until after mid June. So “This Fig walked into a bar” from Trader Joe’s suffices.
  • I DID get flirted with by a random salesman. He liked my jacket, my look, whatever. I just laughed and told him he was perfect for the job. I laughed because I had zero makeup on, my hair has been crazy, and I was looking back at the hubby 5 feet behind, shaking his head.

Making forts and holiday cookies might be behind, but there is still joy in laughter. Even if it’s at myself.

Bridesmaid?

Here’s my guide to success:

  • The day is about the bride, so keep all my worries/ fears to myself.
  • I bought the dress 6 months in advance.
  • Final fitting is tomorrow, and I’m trying not to do a crazy, anxiety session on myself.
  • Since I have fears about balance, walking, standing, I’ve told my physical therapist to walk me “down the aisle” and time me on standing.
  • Sounds ridiculous, but I’m working really hard. The Dungeon Master is coming back in two days. The thought of doing 30 mins of squats, and 20 mins of wall push-ups makes me want to cry. Oh yeah, add walking to that. *sniffle*
  • I’m showing up for all the events. She expects me, and I will be there.
  • Don’t bother asking who the groomsman is who is walking with you. I’m going with a guy in a tux, and my other half will be in a suit in the temple. Poor guy doesn’t know who he’s dealing with; at least the hubby knows I’m nuts.

Basically, it’s an exercise in friendship and a whole bunch of “SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP.”

This is where someone tries to hurt me.

I’m probably going to lose friends over this.

  • I HATE Mother’s Day. While I appreciate all the moms I know, it’s just a whole big sucker punch because I don’t live in that Hallmark card. Please, just no more with the adverts about what flowers to buy. It’s nauseating.
  • Certain people are jerks. This is a truth, and if you’re honest, you know it. A certain canine tried to get through the fence to eat my pupster. If you’re the mom, control your dog. I do.
  • I’m really not a fan of people. I love my persons, and I tell them as much as I can.
  • People with limited intelligence ignore an ambulance. Twice.
  • Vegetables are a limited quantity item. Don’t do it unless you can swoop by and scoop. Otherwise, you will end up with a chicken neck, and super tired.
  • This is also known as “don’t ask anyone for anything, because then they can’t say anything.”

Peace out, kids. 🙂

Seriously, summer?

You’re messing with my household.

  • I’m wearing a tank top that hates me, and capris that currently love me. The other half wore a ski jacket this morning. He also turned the heat on last night.
  • At least make it into triple digits so I can sweat off this last 20 pounds before I have to show up in the land of prettier people aka Southern California (for a wedding, so I have to put on a dress and adult. LOL)
  • I wanted to use my dog’s leash to fly her like a kite. That’s how windy it is here. (Yes, I’m joking about my pupster. She hides behind my legs when it blows too much.)
  • Pretty sure that even though we live on the sun, I won’t get a tan. Irish potato white for life!

Time to brave the outdoors… enough of looking at my kitchen!

Sometimes it’s tough to Be. Exist.

Life is meant to be dealt with, with an all terrain soul.

Listen, we all have problems, issues, and everyday life. Here we go with the everyday:

  • There is always laundry, and dishes, and cleaning, and a whole bunch of dusting, add polishing, and I think I threw up in my mouth.
  • I can adore my spouse, and still say things to my animals like “Your dad is a dick.”
  • Hospitals are not fun. They generally put me on “fall risk” and put a yellow band on my wrist that does not compliment my skin. I also had to have the hubby disarm the alarm on my bed so I didn’t get caught sneaking back from the bathroom. True story.
  • Hospitals are fun when they don’t think you’re going to croak. I was the weirdo who did laps in my wheelchairs at 3am because I was bored out of my tree.
  • If you have to be in an acute rehabilitation facility (that’s the name. If you just say Rehab, everyone thinks something else.) make some friends. This is also known as the kitchen staff, the therapy staff, and the nursing staff. This way, you get to do whatever you want as long as you put up with, you know, needle sticks, and people waking you up at 4am to shove drugs at you to stay alive.
  • If you really want to go down in physical therapy, make sure that on your last day, trip and fall. I took down my guy, with a curb that hated me, and ended up taking HIM to the nurses’ station.
  • My service dog was brought in under the cover of “Let’s wait til all the elderly are asleep” so that they didn’t all freak over her cuteness. Welcome to 2am, with a dog, your husband, and Subway.
  • Costco is horrific. I go with a list, and still end up with a giant bag of salted caramel corn poofs that are oven baked, organic, and non GMO. Trust me, that is the epitome of impulse buying.
  • Except for when you stop at the dollar store 2 blocks from home to buy “Stuff” you need. Hey, my 4 year old boyfriend next door must have that Paw Patrol coloring thing, and a truck that will probably annoy his mom. Uhhhh… this is also the kid I download games for on my tablet.

It basically boils down to this. I still managed to make chicken noodle soup today. I baked. I took care of my house. Yay for not making snarky remarks when someone called me my father in law’s trophy wife. Seriously.

He was laughing and proud. I almost hit the guy with a pound of Gouda.

That’s that, and where I’m at.

T-out.curly girl pointy boots