Dear body,

You and I have a love/hate relationship.

Here is where I’m at with you:

  • Please stop waking me up at 3:30am. I understand the back sounds like a popcorn factory, and feels like muscles are crunchy, but you’re screwing with the sleeps.
  • The fact that I’m doing squats at that time is absolutely heinous. You let my feet go to sleep, and make my legs hurt enough that I have to exercise to wake everything up just sucks.
  • I have to get up and get dressed so that I don’t squirmy wormy my way through the night and make David have a horrible night’s sleep too. Not fair.
  • Allergic reaction? You can go jump right off a cliff. Hives? Ok, bite me.
  • I do NOT like feeling like you’re the boss of me, so please just shut up with your nonsense and behave.
  • I just finished more push ups than I want to count, so I thank you for the pain. Not really. Actually, this is more like I would like for you to keep holding me upright, so don’t say I don’t do anything for you.
  • If you could have a little kindness and allow me to keep walking around on these stems, and make these floppy things called arms work properly, the management will appreciate it.

Just please stop with the health insanity. I’m tired, sore, and trying my best. Behave!

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