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Dear body,

You and I have a love/hate relationship.

Here is where I’m at with you:

  • Please stop waking me up at 3:30am. I understand the back sounds like a popcorn factory, and feels like muscles are crunchy, but you’re screwing with the sleeps.
  • The fact that I’m doing squats at that time is absolutely heinous. You let my feet go to sleep, and make my legs hurt enough that I have to exercise to wake everything up just sucks.
  • I have to get up and get dressed so that I don’t squirmy wormy my way through the night and make David have a horrible night’s sleep too. Not fair.
  • Allergic reaction? You can go jump right off a cliff. Hives? Ok, bite me.
  • I do NOT like feeling like you’re the boss of me, so please just shut up with your nonsense and behave.
  • I just finished more push ups than I want to count, so I thank you for the pain. Not really. Actually, this is more like I would like for you to keep holding me upright, so don’t say I don’t do anything for you.
  • If you could have a little kindness and allow me to keep walking around on these stems, and make these floppy things called arms work properly, the management will appreciate it.

Just please stop with the health insanity. I’m tired, sore, and trying my best. Behave!

C’mon now.

This is so ridiculous.

I’m a fairly positive person. Maybe it’s sheer stubbornness. Live in my head 24-7-365 and in this body that fails, and we’ll see how you hold up.

  • I got home to so many hospital bills I wanted to throw up. Yeah, thanks body for being a jerk, because I totally love going to the hospital. Alarmed beds and bitchy nurses. Jesus, get me out of here.
  • I made lunch at 6am because my other half didn’t eat dinner last night. Who cooks sauce and pasta at 5:45am? ME.
  • I’m still proud of myself that I had, and I am not kidding, 5 minutes to slap my bridesmaid dress on, run to the brides room for pics, and sort of looked human.
  • Please. I’m asking nicely. Please, please understand that I have a massive brain injury. My sleep patterns were bad before, and they didn’t improve with brain damage. I sleep when I can, or when my body shuts down. Don’t ask me to operate on your schedule. I will try my very bestest, but it wipes me out for days. I can hang with the best of them and woman up and handle things like a champ, but please realize it takes a big, FAT toll.
  • Always have a partner in crime. I need snarky, rebels, and laughter, because otherwise, holy crap. We hold each other up when stuff gets stressful.
  • When people are jerks, they’re probably going through their own stuff. Or they might just be assholes. LOL
  • I’m still laughing about the person who altered my dress for the wedding I was just in. “Do you want me to alter this so people can see your shoes?” “No, I want you to alter it so the balance challenged person doesn’t trip and go BOOM and ruin the wedding.”
  • If David doesn’t switch out his phone today, I am smashing that damn thing because the GPS doesn’t work. AT. ALL. He’s due to upgrade and I’m done listening to “This fucking thing!” 😛

Off I go into the wild, blue yonder. This is also known as visiting my postage stamp sized front yard with my 9 pound attack dog. 🙂

Have a great Tuesday everyone, and remember that no matter what, there is someone who cares about you.

T-out.

I’m a dangerous chick with some money in my pocket.

Watch me break it down like – UHHH!

Ok, I’m totally kidding. LOL Sort of.

I’m a happy kid today, and here’s why:

  • I have such a great hubby.
  • I am helping out some friends today to buy a house, and I feel like it’s great karma.
  • I have my morning chores done, and my house under control.
  • My dad is coming over for lunch, because guess who is ON the ball? C’est moi, and lunch is already made. You can come over too if you like chicken curry and rice.
  • My little boyfriend saw me on his way to school, and I swear, the kid just fills me with love. “TAWAH! I love you!” I’m not sure how anyone gets cuter than THAT.
  • I destroyed the muffins I baked this morning. Sad about it, but it was an experiment anyway, so I basically threw my hands in the air and waved ’em all around like I just didn’t care. Truth? I don’t.

With that, I’m off to the races. White, middle aged and wearing a Deadpool shirt. I should be recognizable if found wandering.

Before I do a nose dive

Don’t do it!

I have so many good things today to report.

No, I didn’t save the world. I know you didn’t expect me to, and neither did I. So welcome to world of mundane and silly.

  • I got my hairs did by Lindsey, and it’s fabulous. This is a woman who understands the difference between Princess and Porn Star.
  • Talked to David’s dad twice. He will never know the gift he gave me when he saw me step out of the dressing room in my bridesmaid gown, I will never, ever forget the intake of breath and the look on his face. I felt like a queen. He looked proud of me.
  • We have a new name for crazy train across the street. I can’t even say it without laughing. Twatwaffle. Thank you, Kim Ulmanis, because that is just hilarious.
  • So many PT exercises in the last 2 days. I’m standing and walking strong, even though I get tired – I keep going!
  • I’m wearing the shirt my amazing friend Laura picked out for me, and rocking it – it’s perfect for me. Kudos to her for her keen sense of fit and fashion.

 

Life is not always about the HUGE announcements, and sometimes it’s about the little things.

I am so over not being 5 years old.

Being an adult is nothing like we think being a grown up is.

Here’s how it breaks down, if you don’t have kids:

  • I will feel miserable after PT, but I don’t have a choice. She knows where I live.
  • Trash duty is usually mine, and I usually swear. It sucks.
  • I spent money today! Whoot! On making me look better? Oh no. When we get to be my age, we buy another crockpot and a convection/ toaster oven with a pizza drawer.
  • In the amazing shopping tour, I also bought hand soap in a ridiculously huge container, and convinced my other half to please get me a sandwich for dinner.
  • Don’t ask me why the original crockpot met an untimely death. It wasn’t me. Seriously.
  • All I want is a cookie. Just one. Not allowed until after mid June. So “This Fig walked into a bar” from Trader Joe’s suffices.
  • I DID get flirted with by a random salesman. He liked my jacket, my look, whatever. I just laughed and told him he was perfect for the job. I laughed because I had zero makeup on, my hair has been crazy, and I was looking back at the hubby 5 feet behind, shaking his head.

Making forts and holiday cookies might be behind, but there is still joy in laughter. Even if it’s at myself.

Bridesmaid?

Here’s my guide to success:

  • The day is about the bride, so keep all my worries/ fears to myself.
  • I bought the dress 6 months in advance.
  • Final fitting is tomorrow, and I’m trying not to do a crazy, anxiety session on myself.
  • Since I have fears about balance, walking, standing, I’ve told my physical therapist to walk me “down the aisle” and time me on standing.
  • Sounds ridiculous, but I’m working really hard. The Dungeon Master is coming back in two days. The thought of doing 30 mins of squats, and 20 mins of wall push-ups makes me want to cry. Oh yeah, add walking to that. *sniffle*
  • I’m showing up for all the events. She expects me, and I will be there.
  • Don’t bother asking who the groomsman is who is walking with you. I’m going with a guy in a tux, and my other half will be in a suit in the temple. Poor guy doesn’t know who he’s dealing with; at least the hubby knows I’m nuts.

Basically, it’s an exercise in friendship and a whole bunch of “SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP.”

This is where someone tries to hurt me.

I’m probably going to lose friends over this.

  • I HATE Mother’s Day. While I appreciate all the moms I know, it’s just a whole big sucker punch because I don’t live in that Hallmark card. Please, just no more with the adverts about what flowers to buy. It’s nauseating.
  • Certain people are jerks. This is a truth, and if you’re honest, you know it. A certain canine tried to get through the fence to eat my pupster. If you’re the mom, control your dog. I do.
  • I’m really not a fan of people. I love my persons, and I tell them as much as I can.
  • People with limited intelligence ignore an ambulance. Twice.
  • Vegetables are a limited quantity item. Don’t do it unless you can swoop by and scoop. Otherwise, you will end up with a chicken neck, and super tired.
  • This is also known as “don’t ask anyone for anything, because then they can’t say anything.”

Peace out, kids. 🙂