I am so over not being 5 years old.

Being an adult is nothing like we think being a grown up is.

Here’s how it breaks down, if you don’t have kids:

  • I will feel miserable after PT, but I don’t have a choice. She knows where I live.
  • Trash duty is usually mine, and I usually swear. It sucks.
  • I spent money today! Whoot! On making me look better? Oh no. When we get to be my age, we buy another crockpot and a convection/ toaster oven with a pizza drawer.
  • In the amazing shopping tour, I also bought hand soap in a ridiculously huge container, and convinced my other half to please get me a sandwich for dinner.
  • Don’t ask me why the original crockpot met an untimely death. It wasn’t me. Seriously.
  • All I want is a cookie. Just one. Not allowed until after mid June. So “This Fig walked into a bar” from Trader Joe’s suffices.
  • I DID get flirted with by a random salesman. He liked my jacket, my look, whatever. I just laughed and told him he was perfect for the job. I laughed because I had zero makeup on, my hair has been crazy, and I was looking back at the hubby 5 feet behind, shaking his head.

Making forts and holiday cookies might be behind, but there is still joy in laughter. Even if it’s at myself.

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Bridesmaid?

Here’s my guide to success:

  • The day is about the bride, so keep all my worries/ fears to myself.
  • I bought the dress 6 months in advance.
  • Final fitting is tomorrow, and I’m trying not to do a crazy, anxiety session on myself.
  • Since I have fears about balance, walking, standing, I’ve told my physical therapist to walk me “down the aisle” and time me on standing.
  • Sounds ridiculous, but I’m working really hard. The Dungeon Master is coming back in two days. The thought of doing 30 mins of squats, and 20 mins of wall push-ups makes me want to cry. Oh yeah, add walking to that. *sniffle*
  • I’m showing up for all the events. She expects me, and I will be there.
  • Don’t bother asking who the groomsman is who is walking with you. I’m going with a guy in a tux, and my other half will be in a suit in the temple. Poor guy doesn’t know who he’s dealing with; at least the hubby knows I’m nuts.

Basically, it’s an exercise in friendship and a whole bunch of “SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP.”

This is where someone tries to hurt me.

I’m probably going to lose friends over this.

  • I HATE Mother’s Day. While I appreciate all the moms I know, it’s just a whole big sucker punch because I don’t live in that Hallmark card. Please, just no more with the adverts about what flowers to buy. It’s nauseating.
  • Certain people are jerks. This is a truth, and if you’re honest, you know it. A certain canine tried to get through the fence to eat my pupster. If you’re the mom, control your dog. I do.
  • I’m really not a fan of people. I love my persons, and I tell them as much as I can.
  • People with limited intelligence ignore an ambulance. Twice.
  • Vegetables are a limited quantity item. Don’t do it unless you can swoop by and scoop. Otherwise, you will end up with a chicken neck, and super tired.
  • This is also known as “don’t ask anyone for anything, because then they can’t say anything.”

Peace out, kids. 🙂

Seriously, summer?

You’re messing with my household.

  • I’m wearing a tank top that hates me, and capris that currently love me. The other half wore a ski jacket this morning. He also turned the heat on last night.
  • At least make it into triple digits so I can sweat off this last 20 pounds before I have to show up in the land of prettier people aka Southern California (for a wedding, so I have to put on a dress and adult. LOL)
  • I wanted to use my dog’s leash to fly her like a kite. That’s how windy it is here. (Yes, I’m joking about my pupster. She hides behind my legs when it blows too much.)
  • Pretty sure that even though we live on the sun, I won’t get a tan. Irish potato white for life!

Time to brave the outdoors… enough of looking at my kitchen!

Sometimes it’s tough to Be. Exist.

Life is meant to be dealt with, with an all terrain soul.

Listen, we all have problems, issues, and everyday life. Here we go with the everyday:

  • There is always laundry, and dishes, and cleaning, and a whole bunch of dusting, add polishing, and I think I threw up in my mouth.
  • I can adore my spouse, and still say things to my animals like “Your dad is a dick.”
  • Hospitals are not fun. They generally put me on “fall risk” and put a yellow band on my wrist that does not compliment my skin. I also had to have the hubby disarm the alarm on my bed so I didn’t get caught sneaking back from the bathroom. True story.
  • Hospitals are fun when they don’t think you’re going to croak. I was the weirdo who did laps in my wheelchairs at 3am because I was bored out of my tree.
  • If you have to be in an acute rehabilitation facility (that’s the name. If you just say Rehab, everyone thinks something else.) make some friends. This is also known as the kitchen staff, the therapy staff, and the nursing staff. This way, you get to do whatever you want as long as you put up with, you know, needle sticks, and people waking you up at 4am to shove drugs at you to stay alive.
  • If you really want to go down in physical therapy, make sure that on your last day, trip and fall. I took down my guy, with a curb that hated me, and ended up taking HIM to the nurses’ station.
  • My service dog was brought in under the cover of “Let’s wait til all the elderly are asleep” so that they didn’t all freak over her cuteness. Welcome to 2am, with a dog, your husband, and Subway.
  • Costco is horrific. I go with a list, and still end up with a giant bag of salted caramel corn poofs that are oven baked, organic, and non GMO. Trust me, that is the epitome of impulse buying.
  • Except for when you stop at the dollar store 2 blocks from home to buy “Stuff” you need. Hey, my 4 year old boyfriend next door must have that Paw Patrol coloring thing, and a truck that will probably annoy his mom. Uhhhh… this is also the kid I download games for on my tablet.

It basically boils down to this. I still managed to make chicken noodle soup today. I baked. I took care of my house. Yay for not making snarky remarks when someone called me my father in law’s trophy wife. Seriously.

He was laughing and proud. I almost hit the guy with a pound of Gouda.

That’s that, and where I’m at.

T-out.curly girl pointy boots

Why it’s good to be 45.

If you call me middle aged, I will kick your ass.

I was asked lately how it felt to be middle aged, and I nearly hit the person through the computer. “Middle aged? What IS that exactly? I don’t plan on dying until I’m 100, so re-do your math, asshat.”

45 for me is like this:

  • I’ve had a lot of health issues that have zero to do with my age. I’m still truckin’.
  • I’ve been in a committed relationship for over 7 years, and that dating BS where you have to figure out how someone likes their eggs cooked is way freaking over.
  • I’m not 21. I never have to do the “walk of shame” ever again.
  • The roof over my head gets paid for, and all the rest of the bills too. I’m poor, but not so poor I can’t do nice things for people.
  • I don’t give two flying f’s what people think of me. If I annoy someone, they can exit stage left, because I’m OK with me.
  • I know my limits. My tolerance of stupid is probably lower than it used to be, but I control the immediate urge to give someone a “talking to.” Ok, not always, but I’m actually nicer than I used to be.
  • I can cook like a champ, and I never have to eat Ramen again unless I choose to.
  • I have the friends and family members I CHOSE, and who also chose me. No guilt about people who throw you away, peeps.
  • I’m not afraid to be Peter Pan, and hope people don’t think I’m ridiculous for being a kid at heart.
  • I never let anyone succeed in attempting to make me feel less than, or stupid. It’s just no longer happening. I know my limits and my excellence, and I don’t need someone else to define those for me. I’m the one who lives alone in my brain 24 hours a day.
  • I have friends of every age, from kids to much older than me. What a wealth of information and perspectives.

I hear people say they wish they were 21 again. I don’t. I never lie about my age, because I’m happy and proud I made it this far. Regrets are worthless, and all I have is today.

Some things mean so much.

he-loves-me

Maybe today isn’t the finest day of my life, but somebody still loves me enough, even through stress and crazy stuff to buy me flowers, and believe me I never ask for them.

I spent a portion of my morning with my three year old boyfriend from next door, watching Paw Patrol. Man, I love that kid. He had a peanut butter cracker, I had a peanut butter cracker, and we snuggled. My heart is always restored around kids/ babies/ animals (who aren’t barking their heads off. The dogs. Not the kids.)

I’m going to try to sit back and appreciate life right now. Hope you can too.