Don’t do it!
I have so many good things today to report.
No, I didn’t save the world. I know you didn’t expect me to, and neither did I. So welcome to world of mundane and silly.
- I got my hairs did by Lindsey, and it’s fabulous. This is a woman who understands the difference between Princess and Porn Star.
- Talked to David’s dad twice. He will never know the gift he gave me when he saw me step out of the dressing room in my bridesmaid gown, I will never, ever forget the intake of breath and the look on his face. I felt like a queen. He looked proud of me.
- We have a new name for crazy train across the street. I can’t even say it without laughing. Twatwaffle. Thank you, Kim Ulmanis, because that is just hilarious.
- So many PT exercises in the last 2 days. I’m standing and walking strong, even though I get tired – I keep going!
- I’m wearing the shirt my amazing friend Laura picked out for me, and rocking it – it’s perfect for me. Kudos to her for her keen sense of fit and fashion.
Life is not always about the HUGE announcements, and sometimes it’s about the little things.
Being an adult is nothing like we think being a grown up is.
Here’s how it breaks down, if you don’t have kids:
- I will feel miserable after PT, but I don’t have a choice. She knows where I live.
- Trash duty is usually mine, and I usually swear. It sucks.
- I spent money today! Whoot! On making me look better? Oh no. When we get to be my age, we buy another crockpot and a convection/ toaster oven with a pizza drawer.
- In the amazing shopping tour, I also bought hand soap in a ridiculously huge container, and convinced my other half to please get me a sandwich for dinner.
- Don’t ask me why the original crockpot met an untimely death. It wasn’t me. Seriously.
- All I want is a cookie. Just one. Not allowed until after mid June. So “This Fig walked into a bar” from Trader Joe’s suffices.
- I DID get flirted with by a random salesman. He liked my jacket, my look, whatever. I just laughed and told him he was perfect for the job. I laughed because I had zero makeup on, my hair has been crazy, and I was looking back at the hubby 5 feet behind, shaking his head.
Making forts and holiday cookies might be behind, but there is still joy in laughter. Even if it’s at myself.
Life is meant to be dealt with, with an all terrain soul.
Listen, we all have problems, issues, and everyday life. Here we go with the everyday:
- There is always laundry, and dishes, and cleaning, and a whole bunch of dusting, add polishing, and I think I threw up in my mouth.
- I can adore my spouse, and still say things to my animals like “Your dad is a dick.”
- Hospitals are not fun. They generally put me on “fall risk” and put a yellow band on my wrist that does not compliment my skin. I also had to have the hubby disarm the alarm on my bed so I didn’t get caught sneaking back from the bathroom. True story.
- Hospitals are fun when they don’t think you’re going to croak. I was the weirdo who did laps in my wheelchairs at 3am because I was bored out of my tree.
- If you have to be in an acute rehabilitation facility (that’s the name. If you just say Rehab, everyone thinks something else.) make some friends. This is also known as the kitchen staff, the therapy staff, and the nursing staff. This way, you get to do whatever you want as long as you put up with, you know, needle sticks, and people waking you up at 4am to shove drugs at you to stay alive.
- If you really want to go down in physical therapy, make sure that on your last day, trip and fall. I took down my guy, with a curb that hated me, and ended up taking HIM to the nurses’ station.
- My service dog was brought in under the cover of “Let’s wait til all the elderly are asleep” so that they didn’t all freak over her cuteness. Welcome to 2am, with a dog, your husband, and Subway.
- Costco is horrific. I go with a list, and still end up with a giant bag of salted caramel corn poofs that are oven baked, organic, and non GMO. Trust me, that is the epitome of impulse buying.
- Except for when you stop at the dollar store 2 blocks from home to buy “Stuff” you need. Hey, my 4 year old boyfriend next door must have that Paw Patrol coloring thing, and a truck that will probably annoy his mom. Uhhhh… this is also the kid I download games for on my tablet.
It basically boils down to this. I still managed to make chicken noodle soup today. I baked. I took care of my house. Yay for not making snarky remarks when someone called me my father in law’s trophy wife. Seriously.
He was laughing and proud. I almost hit the guy with a pound of Gouda.
That’s that, and where I’m at.
If you call me middle aged, I will kick your ass.
I was asked lately how it felt to be middle aged, and I nearly hit the person through the computer. “Middle aged? What IS that exactly? I don’t plan on dying until I’m 100, so re-do your math, asshat.”
45 for me is like this:
- I’ve had a lot of health issues that have zero to do with my age. I’m still truckin’.
- I’ve been in a committed relationship for over 7 years, and that dating BS where you have to figure out how someone likes their eggs cooked is way freaking over.
- I’m not 21. I never have to do the “walk of shame” ever again.
- The roof over my head gets paid for, and all the rest of the bills too. I’m poor, but not so poor I can’t do nice things for people.
- I don’t give two flying f’s what people think of me. If I annoy someone, they can exit stage left, because I’m OK with me.
- I know my limits. My tolerance of stupid is probably lower than it used to be, but I control the immediate urge to give someone a “talking to.” Ok, not always, but I’m actually nicer than I used to be.
- I can cook like a champ, and I never have to eat Ramen again unless I choose to.
- I have the friends and family members I CHOSE, and who also chose me. No guilt about people who throw you away, peeps.
- I’m not afraid to be Peter Pan, and hope people don’t think I’m ridiculous for being a kid at heart.
- I never let anyone succeed in attempting to make me feel less than, or stupid. It’s just no longer happening. I know my limits and my excellence, and I don’t need someone else to define those for me. I’m the one who lives alone in my brain 24 hours a day.
- I have friends of every age, from kids to much older than me. What a wealth of information and perspectives.
I hear people say they wish they were 21 again. I don’t. I never lie about my age, because I’m happy and proud I made it this far. Regrets are worthless, and all I have is today.