Seriously, summer?

You’re messing with my household.

  • I’m wearing a tank top that hates me, and capris that currently love me. The other half wore a ski jacket this morning. He also turned the heat on last night.
  • At least make it into triple digits so I can sweat off this last 20 pounds before I have to show up in the land of prettier people aka Southern California (for a wedding, so I have to put on a dress and adult. LOL)
  • I wanted to use my dog’s leash to fly her like a kite. That’s how windy it is here. (Yes, I’m joking about my pupster. She hides behind my legs when it blows too much.)
  • Pretty sure that even though we live on the sun, I won’t get a tan. Irish potato white for life!

Time to brave the outdoors… enough of looking at my kitchen!

Sometimes it’s tough to Be. Exist.

Life is meant to be dealt with, with an all terrain soul.

Listen, we all have problems, issues, and everyday life. Here we go with the everyday:

  • There is always laundry, and dishes, and cleaning, and a whole bunch of dusting, add polishing, and I think I threw up in my mouth.
  • I can adore my spouse, and still say things to my¬†animals like “Your dad is a dick.”
  • Hospitals are not fun. They generally put me on “fall risk” and put a yellow band on my wrist that does not compliment my skin. I also had to have the hubby disarm the alarm on my bed so I didn’t get caught sneaking back from the bathroom. True story.
  • Hospitals are fun when they don’t think you’re going to croak. I was the weirdo who did laps in my wheelchairs at 3am because I was bored out of my tree.
  • If you have to be in an acute rehabilitation facility (that’s the name. If you just say Rehab, everyone thinks something else.) make some friends. This is also known as the kitchen staff, the therapy staff, and the nursing staff. This way, you get to do whatever you want as long as you put up with, you know, needle sticks, and people waking you up at 4am to shove drugs at you to stay alive.
  • If you really want to go down in physical therapy, make sure that on your last day, trip and fall. I took down my guy, with a curb that hated me, and ended up taking HIM to the nurses’ station.
  • My service dog was brought in under the cover of “Let’s wait til all the elderly are asleep” so that they didn’t all freak over her cuteness. Welcome to 2am, with a dog, your husband, and Subway.
  • Costco is horrific. I go with a list, and still end up with a giant bag of salted caramel corn poofs that are oven baked, organic, and non GMO. Trust me, that is the epitome of impulse buying.
  • Except for when you stop at the dollar store 2 blocks from home to buy “Stuff” you need. Hey, my 4 year old boyfriend next door must have that Paw Patrol coloring thing, and a truck that will probably annoy his mom. Uhhhh… this is also the kid I download games for on my tablet.

It basically boils down to this. I still managed to make chicken noodle soup today. I baked. I took care of my house. Yay for not making snarky remarks when someone called me my father in law’s trophy wife. Seriously.

He was laughing and proud. I almost hit the guy with a pound of Gouda.

That’s that, and where I’m at.

T-out.curly girl pointy boots

Why it’s good to be 45.

If you call me middle aged, I will kick your ass.

I was asked lately how it felt to be middle aged, and I nearly hit the person through the computer. “Middle aged? What IS that exactly? I don’t plan on dying until I’m 100, so re-do your math, asshat.”

45 for me is like this:

  • I’ve had a lot of health issues that have zero to do with my age. I’m still truckin’.
  • I’ve been in a committed relationship for over 7 years, and that dating BS where you have to figure out how someone likes their eggs cooked is way freaking over.
  • I’m not 21. I never have to do the “walk of shame” ever again.
  • The roof over my head gets paid for, and all the rest of the bills too. I’m poor, but not so poor I can’t do nice things for people.
  • I don’t give two flying f’s what people think of me. If I annoy someone, they can exit stage left, because I’m OK with me.
  • I know my limits. My tolerance of stupid is probably lower than it used to be, but I control the immediate urge to give someone a “talking to.” Ok, not always, but I’m actually nicer than I used to be.
  • I can cook like a champ, and I never have to eat Ramen again unless I choose to.
  • I have the friends and family members I CHOSE, and who also chose me. No guilt about people who throw you away, peeps.
  • I’m not afraid to be Peter Pan, and hope people don’t think I’m ridiculous for being a kid at heart.
  • I never let anyone¬†succeed in attempting to make me feel less than, or stupid. It’s just no longer happening. I know my limits and my excellence, and I don’t need someone else to define those for me. I’m the one who lives alone in my brain 24 hours a day.
  • I have friends of every age, from kids to much older than me. What a wealth of information and perspectives.

I hear people say they wish they were 21 again. I don’t. I never lie about my age, because I’m happy and proud I made it this far. Regrets are worthless, and all I have is today.

Some things mean so much.

he-loves-me

Maybe today isn’t the finest day of my life, but somebody still loves me enough, even through stress and crazy stuff to buy me flowers, and believe me I never ask for them.

I spent a portion of my morning with my three year old boyfriend from next door, watching Paw Patrol. Man, I love that kid. He had a peanut butter cracker, I had a peanut butter cracker, and we snuggled. My heart is always restored around kids/ babies/ animals (who aren’t barking their heads off. The dogs. Not the kids.)

I’m going to try to sit back and appreciate life right now. Hope you can too.

I’m tired all the time now.

People who are constantly negative are seriously annoying.

  • I’m trying to be as positive as I can.
  • My partner’s family is Double OC. Out of control.
  • Someone stole our garbage last night. We put it out before the movie we went to, and when we came home? NOPE. Who the hell does that? Oh, my gut is telling me my psycho neighbot (yes, I spelled it like that on purpose.)
  • One of the conditions of CHF is that your heart doesn’t like to work. Bad, bad heart. It doesn’t circulate blood efficiently, which will make your feet freeze at 4am. It’s not nice. I complain about a lot of things but this isn’t a complaint- it’s a fact.
  • I have so many good people in my life that anyone who isn’t with Team Tarah can just leave. No harm. No foul. I just don’t have the energy to deal with my 6 animals, a partner, his family, friends, and then others who don’t seem to pay attention. I wasn’t kidding when I said “The doctor is out.”
  • At best, I’ll still be alive, instead of my zoo killing me.

When people make you feel “less than”, step away.

 

Ever had THAT day?

I thought today was awesome.

Most of it was. I accomplished enough today to allow myself to feel accomplished.

I took care of business, and I didn’t hesitate. Pets are cared for, kitchen is clean, and so many other chores.

Never say to someone “Oh so this is all my fault.” I didn’t see a 15 min old text saying not to come over. I wasn’t the one who said that, or who has the attitude from hell for days. Passive aggressive is so unattractive. It’s worse when the person doesn’t even realize how they’re acting. Patronizing? Check.

I only have this place to vent to, and nobody sees it anyway. (No, that wasn’t passive aggressive. FB never publishes my notes/ blog.)

 

Sailing

Sometimes life is really complicated.

When someone tells you things are complicated, the situation is probably f’d up, but I deal.

  • I try to deal with all the things that are thrown my way. Sometimes I am really bad at it. I get grumpy and snippy.
  • I’ve been sick off and on since July 31, and it doesn’t make me any easier to deal with. I’m trying to be normal. Some people don’t have any patience for people with health problems.
  • We recently had a family member move into assisted living. Inherited two more dogs. It’s a zoo, and it’s exhausting. 3 dogs, 3 cats, and I’m actually tired. I’m running a daycare.
  • I know this is a whiny moment, but lately I feel like nobody appreciates me. It’s not a good feeling when I think I’m trying my best to keep everyone and everything afloat, and maybe it’s me who is the “suck everything out of everyone else.”
  • All of this is a bunch of how many people am I caring for??

 

Sometimes I need to be grateful.

  • I have terrific friends. They put up with me.
  • I have a 20 year old cat who stubbornly refuses to leave me. Thank GOD.
  • I have a roof over my head, and it’s not cardboard.
  • All my next size smaller jeans fit now.
  • I have more than some, and I know I’m blessed.
  • David never leaves me, even though lately I’ve taken to talking to myself when things are annoying.

and here’s where I want to be: